You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. –Dr. Seuss
Thanks Dr. Seuss. Yes, I can steer myself in any direction I choose. I have just completed my four year training program in the Rubenfeld Synergy Method® and celebrated my GRADUATION with much pomp and circumstance.
Learning this work was indeed very challenging for me; I really had to overcome some serious obstacles to feel and own my competence as a Synergist. The truth is I had never felt competent at anything in life. Sure, there had been some accomplishments. But I never really owned any of them or thought that they were any kind of big deal. I graduated college with a double major in biology and psychology. No big deal. I got a multiple subjects teaching credential in the state of California. No big deal. I landed jobs where I was valued and loved and had opportunities to shine. No big deal. I never felt accomplished in any way whatsoever.
But somehow, in the magical unfolding of timing, my time is now. Now is the time for me to claim some degree of competence and own the fact that I have acquired some skills to do this work. For those that don’t know me very well, I must emphasize that I have had a very slippery relationship with success in my life. No matter what I did, I just never felt good enough. I would always focus on the things that went wrong. The mistakes I made. The people I disappointed. The things that were not getting done.
Many many years ago, something really important happened on my very slow journey toward competence. It was truly a turning point in forgiving myself for all the fuck-ups. I had a boyfriend at the time that began performing a ritual when I was being really hard on myself. He would wrap me up in a blanket. Literally wrap me up, “like a papoose” he would call it. At first I resisted, thinking that it was all so silly. But the more he persisted in wrapping me up each and every time I had a bad day, the more my system started to relax into the experience of it. And something quite mysterious began to happen. Very slowly, I started to consider what it might be like to be on my own side. I mean, the world would beat me up in small ways, but the huge beatings came largely from myself. The papoose slowed things down to such an extent that it seemed to quiet the lashings. I have no idea how or why this worked. I am amazed to this day at the intuitive knowing that this boyfriend had and consistently acted upon. (And I’ve got to admit, there were not many other examples of intuition going on in the relationship.)
Gratitude. For him in my life. Gratitude for my new path in life. Gratitude at being a fully certified Rubenfeld Synergist. And as the parade of life marches on and I am entering into this new phase of my career as a Synergist, the transition is bringing up some of the old feelings of incompetence, and some new ‘friends’ lethargy and inertia. There had been such a big push to finish the program and celebrate my accomplishment. And celebrate I did. And then, silence. Quiet melancholy. It’s all me now. I’m all schooled up. The rest of the Dr. Seuss quote goes like this: “You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”
Yes, I know what I know. I know that it is probably time to wrap myself up in a blanket. And again, remind myself to be on my side. Remember to be gentle with myself at this major transition in my life. Thank you beautiful life.
What do you need to help you consistently be on your own side? Listen carefully. The answer will take you far, oh the places you’ll go!