As the years go on, scientific research continues to mount showing the truth of this simple principle: the body, mind, emotions and spirit are dynamically interrelated. What we feed our bodies, how well we sleep and how often we exercise all have profound affects on common mental disorders like depression and anxiety. Feelings of love and affection can make the difference between life and death in an infant. Prayer, meditation and other forms of spiritual exercise have been shown to increase grey matter in areas of the brain concerned with memory, learning and cognition.

Rubenfeld Synergy has been operating from this principle for about 50 years, and it’s exciting to see the research bearing out what Ilana Rubenfeld and her descendents have continuously found to be true.  What happens in the body affects the system all the way through.  The thoughts we continually ruminate on have effects in our bodies and emotions.  A trauma to the body is a trauma to the mind, emotions, and spirit.  And the more conscious we are of these connections, the more integrated a life we can lead.

My own experience with this principle came during the personal sessions I received during my training.  I was having a repetitive shoulder injury: every six months or so, the muscles running from my right shoulder blade up into my neck would lock up and spasm so painfully that I couldn’t raise my arm without crying out.  I would go to the chiropractor, who would snap my cervical vertebrae back into place, and then get massage to loosen up the spasmed muscles.  I would fully recover, only to have it happen again whenever I worked too hard at the gym, or spent too much time with my computer.  It was never clear what exactly would trigger it, and I could make no progress in improving my fitness and strength.  It was extremely frustrating.

On the table at one of the trainings, staring up at the ceiling of one of the little buildings at the Omega Institute, it came to me.  My Synergist, the marvelous Sarah Baker, had her hands beneath my shoulder.  I was in some pain that week, and my shoulders were tight and pulled in toward my spine.  I was also thinking about my writing, and why I hadn’t yet worked harder in my life to become published.  What was my problem, I wondered?  What was I afraid of?  Sarah had me tune in to my shoulders as I was talking about this.

I felt my shoulders pulled in, and I recalled myself as a teenage girl, walking the halls of my high school, waiting for the next lash of the various casual bullies who helped make my life there miserable.  I remembered curling inward, hugging my books to my chest, trying to be smaller, trying to be invisible.

“What might happen if you published a book?” Sarah asked me.

“I’ll be seen,” I said, tears starting.  “And being seen isn’t safe.”

My shoulders had been protecting me all of these years: making me small and invisible so that I wouldn’t get hurt.  With my tight, protected shoulders I was safe, but I couldn’t get stronger, I couldn’t get bigger, and I couldn’t put myself in any kind of spotlight.  Every time I tried, I got injured, and had to go back and start over.

Once I listened to the messages of my shoulders, I was able to see that their tightness had been integral to me at one point, but now it was time to do something different.  I didn’t need to be invisible anymore; I didn’t need that protection.  As I cried and released the emotion of the realization, my shoulders relaxed under Sarah’s hands.  I haven’t suffered that injury since.

The messages of our bodies are varied and complex, and tell stories that go far beyond tight muscles, old injuries, or sprains and strains.  They tell the story of our lives in all their prismatic beauty and pain – our emotional wounds and triumphs, our broken or soaring spirits, our troubled or clear minds.  This interrelation is key to understanding how Rubenfeld Synergy works, and how we can heal ourselves.

Each individual is unique.

This first principle – each individual is unique – appears simple, almost simplistic, at first blush. It may even seem sentimental: a touchy-feely belief that we are all special snowflakes.  But in reality, approaching each individual as a unique being helps us to better participate in the healing journey that is specific to the client.  Rubenfeld Synergy isn’t about diagnosis: it is about discovery.

On the one hand, human beings aren’t all that different from one another. We eat and sleep and breathe, love and hate, work and play, raise families, break hearts and have our hearts broken. We live and die. But the stories of our lives each have a richness, a specificity, and those stories resonate in our bodies in vastly different ways, revealing more uniqueness with each passing day of our lives.

Some bodywork techniques operate on a kind of code: if something is happening in your back, that means it’s in your past; if your shoulders are tight it means you’re carrying a heavy burden; if your hands shake it means you’re nervous about your profession. It’s all very interesting, but none of it takes into account this first and perhaps most important principle of RSM work.

While there are some things in the body that give us very good clues, it is paramount that we recognize that the messages of each person’s body are going to be unique to that person. For instance, we work a great deal with the feet. We conceptualize the feet in particular ways: they are literally the place where the client is standing. The feet can tell us various stories: can the client really feel their feet? If not, it’s possible this person is ungrounded, or that they live in their head. Are the feet pointing in two different directions when the client lies on the table? We might begin to explore whether the person is experiencing indecision about their path in life.

But the key word here is “explore.” If we jump ahead and decide that we know exactly what something means before exploring and getting that information from the client, we’ve closed off the path of inquiry and shut down one possibility of healing. As Synergists, it is incumbent upon us to honor each client’s unique story: what Mary’s feet are trying to tell her is not going to be the same as what John’s feet are trying to tell him.

The very first week of my RSM training began with a foundation in the “GROUND” of RSM: Gentleness, Respect, Openness, Understanding, Noticing, and Discovery. This one acronym is truly the foundation of our work, and all of the words point to this first principle of meeting a client where they are. Probably most important here, though, is “discovery”: the work we do with each client to uncover their very particular story, and help them to find the next step on their path, without judgment.

The original version of this post appears here, at Kamela’s blog.  For more information or to contact her, visit her website.

Then we were asked, where do you want this spirit to reside in you? Now, that was a new concept! I could decide where my magnificence will be in my body? I knew that I wanted my magnificence to be IN MY BONES so that it could not be buried under crap or dislodged from my body again. I felt the spirit of my magnificence spread throughout my body and into the very marrow of my bones.  I felt alive and alert. My body lengthened into my full height as I took up all of my space. People in the workshop told me that I was glowing. I felt a reassurance and confidence that came from deep inside and wasn’t based on anything other than my right to walk the earth as the magnificent person I am. This is a birthright we all have! Lastly, we were instructed to ask our spirits what message they have for us. My spirit of magnificence told me, “I am strong so you have the strength to step out into the world!” I have been doing just that in a much bigger, bolder way since then.

Where is your magnificence? Has it been buried under layers of crap? Did it have to go into hiding so you could be even somewhat safe in your family? Was it actually dislodged from your body and perhaps is floating above or behind you?

Take a moment now to find your magnificence by slowing down and tuning into your body. Simply ask, where are you, magnificence? You may hear words, “I’m right here,” or see an image or feel a sensation in your body. Stay with whatever reveals itself to you. When you’re ready, ask your magnificence what message it has for you. Now, decide where you want your magnificence to live in your body. Vision/imagine your magnificence taking up residence exactly where you want it to be.

You can come back to that place in your body anytime you want to reconnect with your magnificence. Ask again and again what messages your magnificence has for you. I also suggest you write down the messages from your magnificence and place them where you can see them every day. These messages are some of the deepest wisdom your body has to offer.

One more thing: Notice over the next few days how connecting with your magnificence has made a difference in your life. Are you better able to say “no” when you want to? Is it easier to stand up for what you believe? Are you quicker to love or take a risk?

I’d love to hear the messages of your magnificence, how this has made a difference in your life, or any part of your experience. As always, share as little or as much as you’d like.

In the meantime, be good friends with your body and your magnificence!

Joan Brooks, Practitioner and Teacher of the Rubenfeld Synergy Method (RSM)

To learn more about RSM:   RubenfeldSynergy.com

To learn about training in this extraordinary modality: RubenfeldTouch.com 

To visit Joan Brooks’ blog:  YourBodyIsYourBestFriend.com

My mentor asked me what it was like to read my first blog to him. His asking helped me to discover what I was experiencing rather than being focused solely on his reaction. On the one hand (my left), I felt squeamish as I worried that he wouldn’t want to hear what I had written. On the other hand (my right) my chest expanded as I realized I liked what I had written. I took a deeper breath as I felt pride at my accomplishment.

Imagine my surprise when he asked me what common ground those two sides had. What? Common ground? Don’t I just want to get rid of the “bad” feelings and stick with the good?

But, as I considered his question I realized that the common ground between these two feelings is actually my heart. I want to write only from my heart what will help and touch the heart of others. This process clarified for me that both what I write and how I touch others with my writing are important to me.

A couple of weeks later a friend told me that she is being promoted. On the one hand (for her, the left), she feels confident and ready to take on the new challenge. On the other (her right hand was tightly clinched into a fist), she heard a familiar voice telling her that this time she would fail. When I asked her about common ground, her left hand opened and softly enclosed her right hand. This instinctual movement by the body helped to sooth and comfort the scared place in her. Her whole body softened as she said again, “I’m ready.” She has a movement (left hand enclosing right) she can come back to when that voice once again gets loud.

Now, don’t confuse the voices I described above with the voice that says, “You’re worthless! No one will ever care about you in any way!” or “You’ll never amount to anything because you’re nothing more than a piece of shit!” That voice is destructive and NOT yours, although it may seem that way, and needs to be silenced. I’m talking about the voices that seem negative and negating, and yet offer wisdom and insight. The harsh “worthless” voice does neither.

So, the next time (could be now!) you become aware of a situation where you have two different feelings or reactions as described above, notice how each one feels in your body. Then ask, what is the common ground? Follow your body’s lead in response to the question. What thoughts, feelings, physical sensations/movements do you have? Let them inform and guide you as you move to a place of wholeness. What have you discovered that you can take with you into your life?

I’d love to hear your experience with finding the common ground between seemingly disparate feelings. Share as much or as little as you’d like.

In the meantime, be good friends with your body,

Joan Brooks, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist and Instructor

Visit Joan’s blog site at BeFriendsWithYourBody.com

Joan Brooks, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist and Teacher

This is my first ever blog and I confess to being nervous. My stomach is doing these funny little loop-d-loops as my hands shake a little bit at the nerve of me to think I can actually write a blog people would want to read.

At the same time, there’s a quickening in my heart that says “people need what you have to offer.” As I write this, tears form in my eyes, because it’s true. People need to know that their bodies are their greatest resource. I want you to know that your body is just waiting to help you better navigate your world and live the life you’ve always wanted to live. All you have to do is listen.

I’ll use this moment as an example. If I had only noticed the nervous stomach or shaking hands, I may have stopped typing and told myself no one will ever read this, why bother. But, when I also noticed the physical sensations in my heart, and listened to my heart’s message, I was compelled to continue, to not give up. My heart prompted me to step out in the world with my important message.

What is your heart saying to you right now? Take a moment to place your hands on your heart. Start first with physical sensations. What do you notice? What does your heart want you to know? to do? to be? Take good notes for your heart wants only the best for you.

I’d love to hear from you. You can share as much or as little as you’d like.

Until next time, be friends with your body!

Joan

Visit Joan Brook’s blog at YourBodyIsYourBestFriend.com

Kamela Dolinova

Today I came across this very simple and straightforward blog post from psychotherapist Kristen Barton Cuthriell about behaviors and consequences.  The post is full of sound advice about what happens when you make particular choices, and how thinking through the consequences can help you make the right ones. A few examples:

“When you choose to stay up too late, you choose to be tired the next day. Do you want to be tired?

When you choose to show up late for work three days in a row, you choose to lose your job. Do you want your job?

When you choose to eat unhealthy foods, you choose to be unhealthy. Do you want to be unhealthy?

When you choose to be kind, you choose to have friends. Do you want friends?”

And so on. It’s simple, or so it seems. So then why is it that so many of us have so much trouble making the right choices so much of the time? As Mark Sisson of Mark’s Daily Apple writes in his post on akrasia or acting against one’s own better judgment:

“Staying up late to watch one more episode of ‘Breaking Bad’ will leave us comatose in tomorrow’s big meeting. Skipping yet another workout keeps us on track to lose all the gains we’ve built up the last few months. Stewing over the day’s stresses and playing out angry scenarios in our heads will keep our kids and partner at arm’s length and us up half the night with stomach pain.

But damned if we don’t make the choice anyway. Why? What’s wrong with us that we go down these roads when we clearly understand the fallout?”

And it’s a good question, one that philosophers have pored over for millennia and that keeps the diet and fitness industry in business, not to mention liquor stores, bakeries, and therapists’ offices.

Kristen Barton Cuthriell’s simple action/consequence layout is inspiring, and a good reminder: whenever you choose a given action, the consequence is generally going to be the same, and one would think that this would guide people toward healthier actions more often. But I wonder at its efficacy, given the strong tendency of the human being toward akrasia.  Sisson’s approach to this problem is self-knowledge: getting to be aware of the things that knock you off track, and cultivating healthy self-interest. I especially love this formulation of his: “If we’ve decided what rational self-interest looks like for our life, what do the forces that contest it look like in our imaginations – relics of the past or ambiguities of the present as they so often are? What shape do they take? What voices do they have?”

In Rubenfeld Synergy, we call this process “moving from habit to choice,” and according to my mentor Joan Brooks, it’s one of the biggest things that draws clients to her practice. What does it take for a person to get to the place where making those simple decisions well, in light of the consequences, most of the time?

Listening to the voices is a good first step; in this work we often find ourselves tuning into and giving voice to those parts of ourselves that are usually silent, or at least unconscious. We’d like our shoulders to be more relaxed and not painfully bunched up around our ears, and we would make that choice if we could, but it’s often not so simple as that. Frequently, it’s not even as simple as getting regular massage, or going to physical therapy, though both things can be very helpful. Sometimes, there’s a story in those shoulders – a “relic of the past” that works against our rational self-interest. We’d love to move more freely and without pain. But something is holding us back. A cascade of more conscious choices against our best interest might follow from this: we don’t exercise as much, we load up on anti-inflammatory drugs to the detriment of our stomach lining. We may even make different social choices, as our tight, closed shoulders make us feel distrustful or cold toward others without knowing why – or make others see us that way.

In this work, through talk and touch, we initiate a conversation with that part of us. Not to judge, not to eradicate, not to stuff it down and tell it to be quiet because we’ve got rational decision-making to do. But to find out what its story is. What put our shoulders in that position? What’s keeping them there? What are they holding onto for us, in case we need it? What burden are they carrying, that they haven’t been told it’s okay to put down now? In what ways did they act as shields for us in the past, shields that were crucial then, but are no longer necessary?

Until we engage in these dialogues, we can’t know what keeps drawing us back to the habits that harm us, in order to come around to the choices that free us. “Akrasia” comes from the Greek, “lacking command over oneself.” But in RSM, it’s often more about coming to an understanding with oneself. If we approach a client from the “GROUND” of RSM – that is, Gentleness, Respect, Openness, Understanding, and Discovery – then moving from habit to choice becomes a question not of making the “right” choice, but of actually understanding what the choices are, and being able to see them clearly.

From there…well, it’s not a straight line. But awareness is the first key to change.

Visit Kamela Dolinova’s blog at PowerInYourHands.wordpress.com

—Image source: Flickr user AlicePopkorn

I am sitting on a beach in Vieques, Puerto Rico. The sand is white and soft- the water- lapping onto the shore in the most beautiful shades of aqua blue- glistening with the reflections of the sunshine. I cannot imagine a more serene place. And yet, even here, there are times when the storms are so fierce that they batter the shore or an erupting volcano from the nearby island of Monserrat covers the island in grey ash.

Rubenfeld Synergy has taught me the importance of the metaphor. It is based on a principle that our “body” awareness is a metaphor for our lives. And today, reflecting on this place on earth, I see that my awareness is a metaphor for our experience of ourselves.

Our bodyminds are our islands- they contain the most idyllic places that sometimes get battered by storms or covered by the remnants of an earthquake in our lives that has passed. Sometimes the effects of the storms or the earthquakes stay held in our body memory and we forget that the serene places are still there. The greatest blessing I get from my work with clients is helping them to find these beautiful places in themselves again and again until the route becomes a well-travelled one that they can find on their own.

I recently was asked by my Rubenfeld Synergy mentor to partake in an exercise involving a series of steps that allowed me to come home to the place in me that guides my work. I love the exercise and want to share it because it will let you know more about me as a Synergist and is also a great tool for any holistic practitioner to use to gain (or return to) clarity about their own unique philosophy that guides their work. Whenever I refer to this exercise, I receive clarity about how to move with clients in new ways. Here are the steps and my responses to each step:

Step One: In a few words, state the belief that captures why you do the work.

My Response: “Everyone deserves to know their own light, love and power.”

Step Two: Based on that belief, state three intentions that allow this belief to manifest itself in your work:

My Response: “1) Create a space for my clients to find the light, love and power in themselves; 2) Create opportunities for my clients to seek and remove blocks from their light, love and power; 3) Believe in my clients without wavering.”

Step Three: For each intention, identify several actions that support and allow you to fulfill your stated intentions.

My Response:

Intention # 1: Create a space for my clients to find the light, love and power in themselves.

Actions: 1) Guide clients to become aware of sensations, memories and feelings in their bodies that allow them to find the unique resources that reside within them; 2) Heighten awareness of the client’s breath both as a way to find new openings in themselves and as a key to inviting the relaxation response and reduce stress; 3) Use imagery to allow the bodymind to open to its full potential, sensory awareness and experience; 4) Educate clients to identify postures that assist them in grounding and centering.

Intention # 2: Create opportunities for my clients to seek and remove blocks from their light, love and power.

Actions: 1) Assist clients to identify the location and awareness of the blocks, held emotions, places where the body feels stiff, tense, or dark; 2) Explore with clients how and when the blocks might have started in their lives; 3) Invite movement, emotional expression and voice, sound, and/or postural changes that create more ease and fluidity in the body.

Intention # 3: Believe in my client without wavering.

Actions: 1) Communicate verbally and nonverbally my deep respect for my clients; 2) Demonstrate through consistency that I believe in them and that it is my truth that they possess unlimited love, light and power; 3) Give them regular, authentic feedback about their progress; 4) Create a safe environment of trust and acceptance; 4) Allow clients to move at their own pace and give them permission to take the time they need; 5) Continuously communicate my belief that the body tells the truth and contains an innate resilience and wisdom for healing.

I come back to this exercise to guide my work with each client and to stay true to my life’s unique purpose in doing this work. There is so much light, love and power in knowing that whenever the storm or ash blows our way, the beautiful places are still accessible and alive within each of us!

Lori R. Schlosser, PhD, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist. TouchTalkTransform.com.

Julie Connor

“It is my birthright to be safe, supported and loved!” These are the words that my client proclaimed during her Rubenfeld Synergy session last week. Her words had POWER, meaning and encouraged healing in the present moment.

As my hands were supporting and listening at her shoulders, I could see that some emotions were beginning to rise in her body. She was feeling afraid, sad and lonely. I asked her to locate these feelings in her body. She could feel sadness and restriction in her throat. Anger and fear gripped and filled her gut.

These emotions were related to her early childhood. She could see herself at about age 5, and described how there were no feelings of support or safety.ÊAs she spoke, I could feel the tightening worsen in her neck and shoulders, her breath became shallow and her body appeared small and curled in. Many decades later, these early childhood, unexpressed emotions, were very much alive and stuck in her body.

I remembered that during several of her prior sessions that she had described feeling “stuck” in her life. She wanted to be in a healthy intimate relationship, and wanted to fulfill her dream of doing grief counseling. Yet, she was still alone, afraid and in an unfulfilling job. This is a clear example of the body manifesting and expressing the experiences of ones life.

I stayed at her shoulders offering physical support with gentle, compassionate listening touch. I encouraged her to use her breath to support the movement of her emotions. As she began to weep, I could feel softening in her shoulders, her breathing deepened as her body felt safe enough to free and express these emotions. I asked her “What does your body need to feel safe, supported and loved?” She began to smile and responded that she was already feeling safe, supported and loved in the present moment. I paused here and offered several minutes to expand and anchor the experience of these new feelings.  She described warmth and ease flowing from the top of her head to her toes. As her body filled with this new information, she moved in gentle rhythmic waves.

I moved to her feet and made contact there. This helped ground this new experience and also encouraged her feet to get to know this new place of standing. Her body became still and softer, while her breath flowed peacefully. Within a few minutes she began her mantra, “It is my birthright to be safe, supported and loved!” “I AM safe, supported and loved!”

I’m looking forward to her future sessions and holding the belief that she’ll be moving forward in her life with feelings of safety, support and love. It is her birthright!

Julie Connor, R.M.T, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist, Hudson Valley, New York
Contact Julie by phone: 845-222-6923, email: Julie@TheLightWithinUs.com
Or calendar of events at http://www.meetup.com/TheLightWithinUs/#calendar

Bonnie Muller, LCSW, CRS

After a few sessions of the Rubenfeld Synergy Method “Tom” attended one of Ilana Rubenfeld’s workshops at Omega. He left the weekend committed to practicing the sensory and emotional freedom he experienced there and in our sessions. For several years, he has been doing variations of the Rubenfeld Bodymind Exercises® at home most mornings. He has also continued to have biweekly sessions with me.

Recently, Tom came to a session and told this crisp, clear story: “I’ll be walking along, and then I will straighten up. My chest fills, my head is looser on my neck. . .then I will notice, with my mind, that I have shifted out of my slump. For me, that’s a big difference, not being “told” what to do, what not to do. It goes back to childhood, (pointing a finger to his head), you know, feeling controlled and all that. A whole other communication is going on. My body listened to itself and then alerted me to raise myself into my full height – not like my mind told me I shouldn’t slouch.”

Thank you, Tom, for finding the words to describe how your bodymind communicates and how you value that wisdom.. . . . .

Tom is not this client’s name; the client gave written permission to disclose this anecdote as written.

Bonnie Muller, LCSW, a Certified Rubenfeld Synergist living in Hamden, CT, can be reached at bonmuller@msn.com.

Kelly Haber

The Rubenfeld Synergy Method ( RSM ) was founded by Ilana Rubenfeld over 40 years ago, before Mindfulness or the concept of the Mind-Body connection was in vogue. Science has now caught up with what she knew intuitively, that our emotions reside in our body, and that accessing them is an important part of self discovery and healing.This gentle but very powerful method of healing wounds from the past and gaining insight into the present, is focused on the Body’s wisdom. It is based on the concept that we hold within ourselves the answers to the questions that confuse us, and that every one of our habits and beliefs have a foundation and make sense.So if we don’t like aspects of our lives, or how we are living them, the solutions lie inside us. External information- books, experts, advice- only really have validity for us if they resonate with our internal information- Our Truth. When we attempt to live according to standards that are not consistent with that truth, we tend to be anxious, frustrated, unhappy. When we are connected to that truth, through the instrument of our body, we notice a greater sense of living in the flow of life, of being on the right path.We often take our body for granted, paying little attention to it unless it screams at us with pain, illness or immobility. Through RSM, we can learn to listen to our body in a grateful and trusting way. We can realize what an amazing resource our very body is for us, helping us to live fully and authentically in the now.

By Kelly Haber, RN, CMT and Certified Rubenfeld Synergist