Kamela Dolinova

Today I came across this very simple and straightforward blog post from psychotherapist Kristen Barton Cuthriell about behaviors and consequences.  The post is full of sound advice about what happens when you make particular choices, and how thinking through the consequences can help you make the right ones. A few examples:

“When you choose to stay up too late, you choose to be tired the next day. Do you want to be tired?

When you choose to show up late for work three days in a row, you choose to lose your job. Do you want your job?

When you choose to eat unhealthy foods, you choose to be unhealthy. Do you want to be unhealthy?

When you choose to be kind, you choose to have friends. Do you want friends?”

And so on. It’s simple, or so it seems. So then why is it that so many of us have so much trouble making the right choices so much of the time? As Mark Sisson of Mark’s Daily Apple writes in his post on akrasia or acting against one’s own better judgment:

“Staying up late to watch one more episode of ‘Breaking Bad’ will leave us comatose in tomorrow’s big meeting. Skipping yet another workout keeps us on track to lose all the gains we’ve built up the last few months. Stewing over the day’s stresses and playing out angry scenarios in our heads will keep our kids and partner at arm’s length and us up half the night with stomach pain.

But damned if we don’t make the choice anyway. Why? What’s wrong with us that we go down these roads when we clearly understand the fallout?”

And it’s a good question, one that philosophers have pored over for millennia and that keeps the diet and fitness industry in business, not to mention liquor stores, bakeries, and therapists’ offices.

Kristen Barton Cuthriell’s simple action/consequence layout is inspiring, and a good reminder: whenever you choose a given action, the consequence is generally going to be the same, and one would think that this would guide people toward healthier actions more often. But I wonder at its efficacy, given the strong tendency of the human being toward akrasia.  Sisson’s approach to this problem is self-knowledge: getting to be aware of the things that knock you off track, and cultivating healthy self-interest. I especially love this formulation of his: “If we’ve decided what rational self-interest looks like for our life, what do the forces that contest it look like in our imaginations – relics of the past or ambiguities of the present as they so often are? What shape do they take? What voices do they have?”

In Rubenfeld Synergy, we call this process “moving from habit to choice,” and according to my mentor Joan Brooks, it’s one of the biggest things that draws clients to her practice. What does it take for a person to get to the place where making those simple decisions well, in light of the consequences, most of the time?

Listening to the voices is a good first step; in this work we often find ourselves tuning into and giving voice to those parts of ourselves that are usually silent, or at least unconscious. We’d like our shoulders to be more relaxed and not painfully bunched up around our ears, and we would make that choice if we could, but it’s often not so simple as that. Frequently, it’s not even as simple as getting regular massage, or going to physical therapy, though both things can be very helpful. Sometimes, there’s a story in those shoulders – a “relic of the past” that works against our rational self-interest. We’d love to move more freely and without pain. But something is holding us back. A cascade of more conscious choices against our best interest might follow from this: we don’t exercise as much, we load up on anti-inflammatory drugs to the detriment of our stomach lining. We may even make different social choices, as our tight, closed shoulders make us feel distrustful or cold toward others without knowing why – or make others see us that way.

In this work, through talk and touch, we initiate a conversation with that part of us. Not to judge, not to eradicate, not to stuff it down and tell it to be quiet because we’ve got rational decision-making to do. But to find out what its story is. What put our shoulders in that position? What’s keeping them there? What are they holding onto for us, in case we need it? What burden are they carrying, that they haven’t been told it’s okay to put down now? In what ways did they act as shields for us in the past, shields that were crucial then, but are no longer necessary?

Until we engage in these dialogues, we can’t know what keeps drawing us back to the habits that harm us, in order to come around to the choices that free us. “Akrasia” comes from the Greek, “lacking command over oneself.” But in RSM, it’s often more about coming to an understanding with oneself. If we approach a client from the “GROUND” of RSM – that is, Gentleness, Respect, Openness, Understanding, and Discovery – then moving from habit to choice becomes a question not of making the “right” choice, but of actually understanding what the choices are, and being able to see them clearly.

From there…well, it’s not a straight line. But awareness is the first key to change.

Visit Kamela Dolinova’s blog at PowerInYourHands.wordpress.com

—Image source: Flickr user AlicePopkorn

I am sitting on a beach in Vieques, Puerto Rico. The sand is white and soft- the water- lapping onto the shore in the most beautiful shades of aqua blue- glistening with the reflections of the sunshine. I cannot imagine a more serene place. And yet, even here, there are times when the storms are so fierce that they batter the shore or an erupting volcano from the nearby island of Monserrat covers the island in grey ash.

Rubenfeld Synergy has taught me the importance of the metaphor. It is based on a principle that our “body” awareness is a metaphor for our lives. And today, reflecting on this place on earth, I see that my awareness is a metaphor for our experience of ourselves.

Our bodyminds are our islands- they contain the most idyllic places that sometimes get battered by storms or covered by the remnants of an earthquake in our lives that has passed. Sometimes the effects of the storms or the earthquakes stay held in our body memory and we forget that the serene places are still there. The greatest blessing I get from my work with clients is helping them to find these beautiful places in themselves again and again until the route becomes a well-travelled one that they can find on their own.

I recently was asked by my Rubenfeld Synergy mentor to partake in an exercise involving a series of steps that allowed me to come home to the place in me that guides my work. I love the exercise and want to share it because it will let you know more about me as a Synergist and is also a great tool for any holistic practitioner to use to gain (or return to) clarity about their own unique philosophy that guides their work. Whenever I refer to this exercise, I receive clarity about how to move with clients in new ways. Here are the steps and my responses to each step:

Step One: In a few words, state the belief that captures why you do the work.

My Response: “Everyone deserves to know their own light, love and power.”

Step Two: Based on that belief, state three intentions that allow this belief to manifest itself in your work:

My Response: “1) Create a space for my clients to find the light, love and power in themselves; 2) Create opportunities for my clients to seek and remove blocks from their light, love and power; 3) Believe in my clients without wavering.”

Step Three: For each intention, identify several actions that support and allow you to fulfill your stated intentions.

My Response:

Intention # 1: Create a space for my clients to find the light, love and power in themselves.

Actions: 1) Guide clients to become aware of sensations, memories and feelings in their bodies that allow them to find the unique resources that reside within them; 2) Heighten awareness of the client’s breath both as a way to find new openings in themselves and as a key to inviting the relaxation response and reduce stress; 3) Use imagery to allow the bodymind to open to its full potential, sensory awareness and experience; 4) Educate clients to identify postures that assist them in grounding and centering.

Intention # 2: Create opportunities for my clients to seek and remove blocks from their light, love and power.

Actions: 1) Assist clients to identify the location and awareness of the blocks, held emotions, places where the body feels stiff, tense, or dark; 2) Explore with clients how and when the blocks might have started in their lives; 3) Invite movement, emotional expression and voice, sound, and/or postural changes that create more ease and fluidity in the body.

Intention # 3: Believe in my client without wavering.

Actions: 1) Communicate verbally and nonverbally my deep respect for my clients; 2) Demonstrate through consistency that I believe in them and that it is my truth that they possess unlimited love, light and power; 3) Give them regular, authentic feedback about their progress; 4) Create a safe environment of trust and acceptance; 4) Allow clients to move at their own pace and give them permission to take the time they need; 5) Continuously communicate my belief that the body tells the truth and contains an innate resilience and wisdom for healing.

I come back to this exercise to guide my work with each client and to stay true to my life’s unique purpose in doing this work. There is so much light, love and power in knowing that whenever the storm or ash blows our way, the beautiful places are still accessible and alive within each of us!

Lori R. Schlosser, PhD, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist. TouchTalkTransform.com.

Julie Connor

“It is my birthright to be safe, supported and loved!” These are the words that my client proclaimed during her Rubenfeld Synergy session last week. Her words had POWER, meaning and encouraged healing in the present moment.

As my hands were supporting and listening at her shoulders, I could see that some emotions were beginning to rise in her body. She was feeling afraid, sad and lonely. I asked her to locate these feelings in her body. She could feel sadness and restriction in her throat. Anger and fear gripped and filled her gut.

These emotions were related to her early childhood. She could see herself at about age 5, and described how there were no feelings of support or safety.ÊAs she spoke, I could feel the tightening worsen in her neck and shoulders, her breath became shallow and her body appeared small and curled in. Many decades later, these early childhood, unexpressed emotions, were very much alive and stuck in her body.

I remembered that during several of her prior sessions that she had described feeling “stuck” in her life. She wanted to be in a healthy intimate relationship, and wanted to fulfill her dream of doing grief counseling. Yet, she was still alone, afraid and in an unfulfilling job. This is a clear example of the body manifesting and expressing the experiences of ones life.

I stayed at her shoulders offering physical support with gentle, compassionate listening touch. I encouraged her to use her breath to support the movement of her emotions. As she began to weep, I could feel softening in her shoulders, her breathing deepened as her body felt safe enough to free and express these emotions. I asked her “What does your body need to feel safe, supported and loved?” She began to smile and responded that she was already feeling safe, supported and loved in the present moment. I paused here and offered several minutes to expand and anchor the experience of these new feelings.  She described warmth and ease flowing from the top of her head to her toes. As her body filled with this new information, she moved in gentle rhythmic waves.

I moved to her feet and made contact there. This helped ground this new experience and also encouraged her feet to get to know this new place of standing. Her body became still and softer, while her breath flowed peacefully. Within a few minutes she began her mantra, “It is my birthright to be safe, supported and loved!” “I AM safe, supported and loved!”

I’m looking forward to her future sessions and holding the belief that she’ll be moving forward in her life with feelings of safety, support and love. It is her birthright!

Julie Connor, R.M.T, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist, Hudson Valley, New York
Contact Julie by phone: 845-222-6923, email: Julie@TheLightWithinUs.com
Or calendar of events at http://www.meetup.com/TheLightWithinUs/#calendar

Bonnie Muller, LCSW, CRS

After a few sessions of the Rubenfeld Synergy Method “Tom” attended one of Ilana Rubenfeld’s workshops at Omega. He left the weekend committed to practicing the sensory and emotional freedom he experienced there and in our sessions. For several years, he has been doing variations of the Rubenfeld Bodymind Exercises® at home most mornings. He has also continued to have biweekly sessions with me.

Recently, Tom came to a session and told this crisp, clear story: “I’ll be walking along, and then I will straighten up. My chest fills, my head is looser on my neck. . .then I will notice, with my mind, that I have shifted out of my slump. For me, that’s a big difference, not being “told” what to do, what not to do. It goes back to childhood, (pointing a finger to his head), you know, feeling controlled and all that. A whole other communication is going on. My body listened to itself and then alerted me to raise myself into my full height – not like my mind told me I shouldn’t slouch.”

Thank you, Tom, for finding the words to describe how your bodymind communicates and how you value that wisdom.. . . . .

Tom is not this client’s name; the client gave written permission to disclose this anecdote as written.

Bonnie Muller, LCSW, a Certified Rubenfeld Synergist living in Hamden, CT, can be reached at bonmuller@msn.com.

Kelly Haber

By Kelly Haber, RN, CMT and Certified Rubenfeld Synergist ]]> http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=174 6 http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?p=160 http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?p=160#comments Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:37:53 +0000 DrErica http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?p=160 Continue reading →]]>

Lori Schlosser

The last weekend in October was a memorable time in Oaks, Pennsylvania. Quite unexpectedly, and very early for that part of the country, a significant snowstorm occurred!! It took a lot of folks by surprise! The other unexpected event that occurred was a presentation at the Mind/Body/Spirit Expo, conducted by Joe Weldon, Master Synergist and Co-Director of the Rubenfeld Training Institute. About 25 people, most of who had never heard of Rubenfeld Synergy were surprised and amazed by the gentle power of the work and the mind/body/spirit awareness they experienced— that connection that is their natural birthright!!

Joe started the presentation by breaking the group into pairs and asking them to become aware of what they noticed in their bodies when they received a compliment!! He then went on to show them in a very tangible but gentle way, the felt sense of how “in order to relax, we need to be lax and to be long!! Using a classic Rubenfeld Synergy body-mind exercise called Moving Like a Bamboo Tree, Joe gently showed participants how they could expand their visual awareness and ease of movement in the world. This was followed by a demonstration of another classic RSM technique called a Shoulder Release. During this demonstration, Joe touched the lives off all participants, as he showed them the weight/impact of some emotional material on their shoulders and how their bodies responded to support given to the shoulder when it was ‘listened to” by the gentle touch of another.

The Rubenfeld Synergy booth at the Expo was very busy all weekend and it was great to talk to so many people about the work. It was particularly heartwarming to see the outpouring of interest after Joe’s presentation as people came to express their thanks and to inquire about the work and the training. On that special day in October, I was more proud than ever to be a practitioner of this important work!!

So, don’t wait for the next snowstorm to find out about the Rubenfeld Synergy Method!! Give yourself the gift of this awe-inspiring work and experience your natural birthright!, Go to RubenfeldSynergy.com and find a practitioner in your area today!! You won’t be disappointed!! And then, after you have made your first appointment, go give someone a compliment and tell them about the Rubenfeld Synergy Method too!! Happy Holidays!! Lori R. Schlosser, PhD, Certified Rubenfeld Synergist. TouchTalkTransform.com.

Janet Cook

Recently, a member of one of my LinkedIn Groups, Maarten Aalberse, shared this interesting article about the communication of different emotions through touch.  In the Rubenfeld Synergy Method we discover the many nuances of touch.  We learn the difference in bodily sensation when touching with love, with anger, with hostility or with some other emotion.  Research now is revealing that we can decipher the emotion behind the touch, even with our eyes and from a distance.

Abstract

The study of emotional signaling has focused almost exclusively on the face and voice. In 2 studies, the authors investigated whether people can identify emotions from the experience of being touched by a stranger on the arm (without seeing the touch). In the 3rd study, they investigated whether observers can identify emotions from watching someone being touched on the arm. Two kinds of evidence suggest that humans can communicate numerous emotions with touch. First, participants in the United States (Study 1) and Spain (Study 2) could decode anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, and sympathy via touch at much-better-than-chance levels. Second, fine-grained coding documented specific touch behaviors associated with different emotions. In Study 3, the authors provide evidence that participants can accurately decode distinct emotions by merely watching others communicate via touch. The findings are discussed in terms
of their contributions to affective science and the evolution of altruism and
cooperation.

Emotion. 2006
Aug;6(3):528-33.
Touch communicates distinct emotions.
Hertenstein MJ, Keltner D, App B, Bulleit BA, Jaskolka AR.
Department of Psychology, DePauw University, Greencastle, IN, USA.
mhertenstein@depauw.edu
(c) 2006 APA, all rights reserved

Please leave a comment below about your experiences with touch.

Warmly,

Erica Goodstone, www.CreateHealingAndLoveNow.com/blog

]]> http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=145 0 http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?p=140 http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?p=140#comments Fri, 07 Oct 2011 03:28:33 +0000 DrErica http://www.rubenfeldsynergy.com/blog/?p=140 Continue reading →]]>  

Ilana Rubenfeld

Take a moment to listen to the way Ilana so elegantly describes this work, what led her to it, and what she is focusing on now in these later years.

Rubenfeld Synergy – A Talk with the Founder Ilana Rubenfeld

I sometimes ask myself:

• How do my clients heal themselves?
• What must they do to effect a necessary life change?

The answer is quite simple: Clients become “aware.”  Although their awareness creates the setting for change, their personal actions to implement this change or perhaps their acceptance of what is, is ultimately the challenge.  It is the place where my clients must be courageous and experience their anxiety.  And for me, it is the place where I must be totally present with my clients, from moment to moment, as they struggle to find options, “feel” their feelings, acknowledge their issues, understand how they operate in their world.  My presence helps them to recognize the ways they tend to interrupt themselves from meeting their needs, how they disown parts of themselves and prevent their own fully functioning as a ”whole” human being.

I am fascinated by the way the mind and emotions affect the body and how the body affects the mind and emotions.  My intention is to help my clients to travel their unique road to wholeness, where they can be fully “alive.”  We create contact, you and I, so when I touch you, we are both touched.

From my heart, I offer this poem to my past, present and future clients.

FOR YOU

I know you wish to be seen and heard, I’m here for you now and for as long as you want me to accompany you on your path.

I see you as beautiful just as you are, and if you wish to grow and change, I will support you in a place where you will feel safe to experiment.

I will honor your willingness to take a risk and encourage your higher self to speak to you and through you.  We both rejoice in the learning.

And as I give to you what I allowed my self to receive — support, compassion and empathy — I touch you with all that I am and have always been and trust that in the process, we are both enough in the moment.

Doris Warshay is a Certified Rubenfeld Synergist and Gestalt Psychotherapist practicing in Port Washington, New York.  She can be reached at 516-883-8247.